Your Wedding is “YOUR” Wedding!

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weddingsAfter the proposal, planning the wedding can be the most stressful time for the bride and groom. It should be a happy time, with the couple preparing to spend the rest of their lives together. However, pressure from family members can make the build-up to the wedding very difficult, and can even cause misery for the unlucky couple who are caught in a family squabble, or a facing severe pressure to do things in a certain way. While there is no easy way to tackle the big issues of family relationships, and certainly planning a wedding is not the time to become a therapist, there are some ways in which you can make sure that you get to have your wedding – your way.

The first thing to remember is that you can’t make everyone happy, so you should concentrate upon making yourself happy first. Your mother might want to live her dreams of a big white wedding vicariously through her children, but if that is not what you want, then you will have to make a stand. You can give way on little things, perhaps, like whether lilies should be included in the flower arrangements, or if the reception venue needs extra balloons,  but when it comes to making important choices, such as where the wedding will be, who will be the officiant, and what will happen afterwards, that all needs to be chosen by the happy couple, and no-one else.

Don’t get drawn into family arguments which are not relevant to the day. Your mother’s sister doesn’t like your dad’s brother? Tough, they don’t have to share a plate at the buffet. Don’t make concessions when it comes to invitations – ask everyone you want to be there, and exclude everyone that you dislike. In addition to this, don’t listen to threats about someone not coming if X is invited. That really is their choice, and you shouldn’t have to do what someone else wants on your special day. It can be tempting to try and make peace between family members, or to try and pacify everyone’s demands, but the bride and groom need to concentrate upon themselves, rather than on the demands of anyone else.

One of the most common demands that family members make is for one particular child to be the ring bearer/bridesmaid. Sometimes, different sides of the family will fight over which child will be selected, and this can make the bride and groom want to tear their hair out. It can be a good idea to just include everyone, so there are 7 bridesmaids and assorted ring bearers and flower girls, but for most couples, this number is overwhelming and impossible to manage. The important thing to remember is that it is YOUR wedding, and what you say goes. Pick the ring bearers and bridesmaids according to your own desires, rather than your family members’.

Managing a wedding with demanding family is rather like herding cats, but by making it clear that the bride and groom are doing the planning, you can keep everyone else’s demands in check.

image source: stockphoto –